Mental and Emotional
A highly effective inside-out approach to bullying
A way to "harden" current or potential targets of bullying
A way to help young people cope and deal better with any adversity in life
A way to give them the Resilience that's so important to life
A FREE resource for teachers, students and parents
Chicago Institute for Rational Emotive Behavioral Education
|Most school approaches to bullying are what I call
outside-in approaches. Teachers and schools officials
basically attempt to appeal to their students' sense of
decency and right and wrong. They ask them to not "bully"
their fellow classmates. Students are rightfully also made
aware of the potentially tragic consequences of "bullying".
This is usually backed up with a system of consequences,
extra vigilance, and strict enforcement.
Types of programs
40-50 minute classes
2-3 hour presentations or workshops
half or full day workshops
Taught health education for 33 years
B.S. Health Education, University of Illinois
M.A. Curriculum and Instruction, Concordiia University
Primary Certification in Rational Emotive Behavioral Education (REBE)
Represents Chicago Institute for Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy
Motivational-Educational Speaker 2007-Present
Adjunct Professor - International Renewal Institute 2010-2012
Author of 7 books, including "Mental and Emotional Karate"
No one can hurt our feelings. That's not a semantically or scientifically correct
portrayal of what really happens when others say and do things we don't like.
The truth is that it's what we choose to think about others and what they say or
do that really determines how we feel, be it hurt or anything else.
It's understandable if we do choose to look at things in a way that makes us feel
hurt. That's part of being human. However, I will teach you how to use the power
of choice to earn the equivalent of a black belt in Mental and Emotional Karate and
stop being a victim of others comments or actions. $3.99 (65,140 words)
Click on the image to the left, or here to link to the Smashwords.com website
|Outside-in vs. Inside-out
|Promises I make all young people
|Kill two birds with one stone
|The "tools" are good for teachers too
I believe we also need to take what I like to call an inside-out
approach to the problem of bullying. We can and should teach
students Mental and Emotional Karate. We can and should
teach them to defend themselves mentally and emotionally
against verbal, written or cyber attacks just like some learn to
protect themselves against physical attacks in real karate
I make some simple but important promises to students I
speak to. I will make them to you and your students
To keep these promises, I teach them five simple, easy to
learn life skills. These are life skills, or "tools" I believe we
should teach and give to every student. To learn about
Teaching these same "tools" to teachers can make them
more effective in dealing with their students. It can be
especially helpful to them in better under- standing and
troubleshooting with their most troubled
Schools have an obligation to provide a safe environment for
every student. To not do the above would be negligent.
However, even when such programs are set up and executed
as well as possible, "bullying" often still occurs. Some
students often still suffer and struggle quietly. Every once in
a while, it ends in a "bullycide" or school shooting.
We'll probably never stop all bullying behavior. However, we
can "harden" the targets and greatly minimize or even
eliminate its tragic consequences. In doing so, we will give all
young people that important attribute of resilience. We'll
prepare them to better deal with any adversity in their lives.
1) How to have REAL power and control in, and over their lives
a) How to be able to choose the way they are going to feel
b) How to feel the way they'd like to about themselves
c) How to feel as good as possible regardless of what happens
d) How to keep other people out of their head
e) How to defend themselves against people who are already there
f) How to have their best shot at the kind of life they'd like to have
2) How to be SMARTER than most other people on the planet in some
very important ways
should you decide to allow me to present to your students. I
always promise to teach students:
The promise to teach them to have REAL power and control
can also be a way to reach those who engage in bullying.
So much of that behavior is driven by the FALSE sense of
power and control they get, or hope to
get from doing it. It's often something they seek because they
have a real sense of powerlessness in their own lives.
Reaching those who do the bullying is another plus of an
what each "tool" involves, why it's important and how to
acquire it, or teach young people to have it, click on the
There's an old saying about "killing two birds with one
stone". In other words, if you solve one problem or issue,
you actually take care of one or more other ones as well.
Teaching these life skills to students can be a
major ounce of prevention worth many pounds of cures for
all the many other mental health, health, social and even
academic issues and problems young people often struggle
with. The "tools":
and troublesome students. That can make their jobs easier
and more rewarding. The "tools" can also help them
improve their mental, emotional and physical health.
Emotion can be nice to have, i.e. joy, pride. It can also be
helpful energy to move, to motivate us to do something to
make our lives better, and give us the energy to do so.
However, people often generate a dysfunctional amount of
emotion. By that I mean more than is necessary or helpful,
more than they want to have, more than they know what to
do with, more than is healthy for them, and a type and
amount that works against them instead of for
them.. This causes people to react, and overreact to their life
events. It makes them less response-able, or able to respond
to life in the best possible ways. I developed a
THINK-FEEL-DO thermostat model. It's a simple but effective
way to help people see why they end up feeling the way they
do, and how that affects their behavior. It also shows them
what they need to do to turn their emotional and behavioral
thermostat down. Read more....
Shame comes from believing you don't live up to
expectations in some way. Those being "bullied" will often
"should" on themselves. They will often think they should
be able to handle what's happening to them better than
they do, and not need the help of adults. The shame they
generate will cause them to keep what they're thinking and
feeling, and what's happening to them secret. This allows
them to rehearse and practice many irrational thoughts until
they start to feel like facts
instead of opinions. Such automatic thoughts play an
important role in both suicides and school shootings that
have their origins in "bullying". It will also make them less
likely to seek or accept help that is available to them. "Bullies"
are often kids who also have a history of believing they don't
live up to expectations. Shame can play out as anxiety or
anger. The solution to shame in anyone is to teach and
encourage them to have USA, or Unconditional
Self-Acceptance. Read more....
The majority of people on the planet have an external
locus of control. That means they believe that what others
say and do, and what happens makes them feel the way
they do. This needlessly puts them at the mercy of others
and the events of their lives. It gives other people power
and control over their emotions that those people really
don't have. The end result is that people feel worse than
they need to, for longer than necessary. The good news is
that it's really what we choose to think.
about what happens that real determines how we
feel.Thoughts cause feelings, not events. We all have
cognitive choices that we make all the time that really
determine how we feel about anything. No one can make
these choice for us, unless we let them. People do that all the
team, but with practice, can learn to stop letting others make
such choices. Learning what these choices are, and to use
them to their advantage can be extremely empowering for
those being bullied. Read more....
Many years ago, Dr. Albert Ellis identified four types of
irrational thinking that cause people to feel worse than
they need to, or want to, and to say and do things that
make their lives worse. He called them Demandiness,
Awfulizing, Can't Stand It-itis, and Label and Damning.
Those being bullied will have these types of thoughts.
It's why they will suffer, and may even take their own lives, or
seek to harm those who have said and done things to them.
These same irrational thoughts will drive "bullying" behavior
as well. Learning to recognize such thinking in oneself and
others can be very helpful. Read more.....
Developing an Internal Locus of Control is a way to give
those being "bullied" (and "bullies") control over their
emotional thermostats. Teaching them to correct irrational
thinking is the way to give them to ability to keep their
emotional thermostats turned down, or to turn
them down quickly if they should suddenly get turned up. Dr.
Ellis developed simple ways to dispute, question and
challenge irrational thinking. These can be taught to those
being "bullied" (and "bullies). Read more....